The first WWdN Thursday West Coast Warmup had a smaller field than the
average Friday game, but there was still insanely tough competition out
there: CJ, Daddy, Maudie, Joanne, Derek, Poker Geek,
and Joe Speaker were just a few of the names I saw
when I scanned the entrants. I turned to my wife and said, "Oh my god,
this is the toughest $11 MTT I've ever played.""What's an empty tee? I thought you were playing hold'em." She said.
I laughed. "We are."
I couldn't wait to play. I had looked forward to this game all week. Win or lose? I didn't care. I was just happy to be playing poker.
. . .
August was a great month for me at the poker tables. My bankroll nearly tripled, and I felt like a winner. I couldn't wait to finish my bullshit work each day, so I could fire up PokerStars and go fishing.
When August turned to September, everything changed. My bankroll blew away, like the leaves on the sycamore tree in my neighbor's yard. It seemed like I always missed my draws, my traps always let my opponents make a better hand, and I felt like I just couldn't do anything right. I played tight/weak/passive/pussy poker, and I watched my massive August winnings leak away until I had just $100 left in my bankroll. As I approached zero, I tilted away chipleads, and spewed like crazy in cash games. I felt like a loser. I felt like an idiot. I
I started to hate the game.
Though I obviously needed a break, I couldn't stay away from poker forever. I knew that I was going to play a SNG tourney at the end of the month at IGN Live for PokerStars, so after a few weeks in the no poker zone, I broke out Harrington on Hold'Em, Tournament Poker for Advanced Players, and Winning Low Limit Hold'Em, and spent a bit of time reviewing the basics. A critical and honest look at my game revealed much of my problem: I was result-oriented, too aggressive pre-flop, and betting for value post-flop. I was playing tight/weak/passive/pussy poker. I attached my sense of self-worth as a poker player to my results, rather than my decisions at the table, and because I didn't want to feel bad about myself, I was unwilling to take any real or intelligent risks, or play too aggressively without the nuts. It was too easy to push me off a hand, and everywhere I looked I saw Monsters Under the Bed. I had forgotten one of the most important things ever said about no-limit tournament play, which comes from Amir Vahedi: "You must be willing to die, in order to live."
Before IGN Live, I hosted the first WWdN Friday game. Even though I didn't play that well, I still had a really good time and enjoyed the company of WWdN readers and poker bloggers alike. A bit of confidence returned to my game, and I went to IGN Live, Amir's advice ringing in my ears, ready to kick some ass.
I bubbled in a staff freezeout, took second in the SNG I was there to play, and pathetically busted out of the Blogger Championship a thousand miles from the bubble. Like my experiences as an actor from 2000-2004, I did my best, and had little to show for it.
. . . but did I really do my best? I think I did the best I was capable of at the time. Was I really happy with the decisions I made? Not by a long shot. I was way too tight. But I still had fun! How could I manage to have fun without winning? I didn't take the game so seriously, and I enjoyed the people I was playing with. The results were not as important as the experience of playing the game.
A few years ago, when my stepkids' hyper-competitive father made them feel like little league was all about winning, and took much of the fun out of the experience, I told them, "If you're only happy when you win, you're bound to be unhappy a lot of the time. You're not a professional player, so if this isn't fun, it's not worth showing up. You should put your focus on making good choices during the game, and find things to enjoy, like just playing the game instead of doing chores at home, or sharing the game with someone you like on your team. It's always nice to win, but when you just enjoy playing, you can have fun all the time -- and winning is a nice bonus. Winning just isn't that important, especially when it gets in the way of having fun."
Next time: taking my own advice.
1. These sentences are the ones that matter the most in your entry: "How could I manage to have fun without winning? I didn't take the game so seriously, and I enjoyed the people I was playing with. The results were not as important as the experience of playing the game." For most people, poker is just that: a game. It's a way to amuse oneself and pass the time in a pleasant manner. For most people, that time passes even more pleasantly when spent in the company of other people that you enjoy being around. Sure, the game itself has its fun aspects, and its challenges to keep it interesting. But add to that a positive social experience, and you get a much bigger +EV, on an enjoyment level. Those of us who play for fun need to remember that the money is just a way of keeping score, and should not be a cause for concern about whether the bills will be paid or the loan shark will be looking for some legs to break. Winning is indeed a nice bonus, but it should never be the only reason to play. And we know you know that. So play within your bankroll, and make every game the most fun you can have. As everyone knows, someone who is relaxed and enjoying what they do will, in the long run, be more likely to succeed at their endeavor than someone who stresses over it too much.
Posted at 9:09PM on Nov 14th 2005 by Dave Westbay